teenage dream, lolz.

This past weekend, I went to visit my BFFAEAEAE in Vermont. She hangs out with a pretty liberal crowd so I knew I'd be in for a good time, but as per usual, I was semi-oblivious to what I was actually getting myself into.
So on Saturday we start bar hopping around Burlington, which rules, cuz you can walk EVERYWHERE, and there are bars EVERYWHERE.
The next thing I know, I'm at this bar called "The 1/2," because it's literally half the size of any normal bar I've been in. There was a DJ spinning super hard techno beats, strobe lights, and free flowing beer that I wasn't paying for.
I turn to my BFFAEAEAE's friend who I've been dancing with, who also happens to be named Ricky Martin, is gay, and has a fauxhawk, and ask him if he knows where the bathroom is.
'YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP FOLLOW ME."
We march to the back of the bar and I'm presented with a flight of stairs. We "walk" down them, and suddenly we're in this cave-themed basement, with candles and I wanna say that there were people drinking out of goblets, but honestly, my drunk memory probably made that up.
Either way, the music is a little more muffled and I'm relieved, cuz I didn't know how much more of the blasting techno I could take.
Ricky Martin shows me the bathroom; it's only one stall.
'I'M COMING IN WITH YOU. DEAL WITH IT HOOKER."
Alright, now, normally, I'm not that girl who's like 'OMGGG COME TO THE BATHROOM WITH ME, LIKE I DON'T EVEN CARE, LET'S ALL JUST PEE TOGETHER, WOO HOO, GIRLS NIGHT" but I mean, there is only ONE bathroom, and I am with a kid named Ricky Martin, and I have had like 10 drinks, so whatevs, let's go with the flow here.
I close the door to the bathroom and realize that to go along with the creepy basement/cave theme, it's only candle lit. Ricky Martin figures this out too, and decides it's a great idea to blow them all out.
So let me reiterate.
10 drinks deep. In a cave themed bathroom. With Ricky Martin. In total darkness.
We both finish peeing, and I feel a hand on my waist.
"HAHAH, LET'S MAKE OUT IN THIS BATHROOM, WOOOO TONIGHT!"
............what the fuck? Ricky Martin is totally gay right? What is happening?
suddenly I can hear the muffled music from upstairs get louder. I don't care WHAT this song is, it is now my favorite.
"SORRY RICKY, GOTTA GO, TOTES LOVE THIS SONG."

ran up the stairs.
and then danced to this song, and pretended that I loved it.



Thanks Katy Perry!

...that's probably the last time I'll ever say that.

AUDACES FORTUNA IUVAT, H8RS.
-Whit