Puttin' smiles on girls faces.

I am probably one of the most pro-gay people that you will ever meet, but occasionally, I run into situations that make me question whether or not what I am doing could be considered a homosexual tendency. I am going to recount a story here and let you decide.

• The Dick Tattoo Story
  One of my buddies has one of the more interesting tattoos that I have ever heard of. For our purposes, he will be referred to as Ray. Ray is not exactly the youngest dude I hang around with...he recently turned thirty, has a wife with whom he has two boys. Now, Ray is a quirky guy, and he has always said that he wants to get a tattoo on the tip of his dick. Which I always thought was drunken bullshit...I was wrong.
  A couple weeks later, I was perusing my Facebook news feed, and I saw that he had recently posted a status that read "I love to put smiles on girls face." Normally, I would have shrugged this off, but knowing my friend...I shot him a text asking what he had done. He said he gotten the tattoo that he had previously mentioned. The tattoo? A smiley face...on the tip of his penis.
  My Dilemma: Naturally, this added a whole new level of curiosity on my part. I mean, he has a tattoo...of a smiley face...on his penis. I had at least ten different questions for him, ranging from "Did it hurt?" to "did it have to be hard when they did it? If so, how did they make it hard?" But perhaps the most pressing question for me was "Is it a little gay if I want to see it?" Clearly, I had reached a road(er...cock)block in my mind. Luckily for me, he was more than willing to answer all the basic questions on a really friendly level. No, it didn't have to be hard. No it didn't hurt. Also, the tattoo guy had recently tattooed someone's TAINT. Yes, the grundle...the gooch...the runway. Jesus Christ, this is too much for me to even recount. But that last and most pressing question, I decided that it was in my best interest to leave to fate.
  Resolution...kind of: About two weeks later, after numerous conversations with every good friend that I have regarding Ray's novelty penis, I received a message on my cell phone, I looked down at it, and sure enough...it read PIX MSG. The name on it? Ray. Oh god, is this it? Well, it was the PNS MSG/ DIX MSG that I had been dreading/anxiously awaiting. Sure enough, there it was. His penis...smiling at me. I asked him what made him send it to me. His response? "Just wanted to say hi!"
  Ending 1: What an asshole.
  Ending 2: Welcome to my life.