Recognizing the Anonymous.

Oh yeah, I suppose I never did get around to mentioning that my blog was kind of given an award. My good friend, and I suppose my one loyal reader at Dara on the Hunt placed upon me the distinction of "Giving Good Blog". I understand that this is kind of a chain letter deal, but it's pretty flattering, and perhaps will be the only accolades I ever recieve for the work I do here at Anonymity in Action. For this I heartily thank her, and offer you the link to the award.

I'm coming out.

This is a rather interesting week coming up. I have been afforded the opportunity to counter- picket one of the most evil organizations in all of America, and perhaps the world: The Westboro Baptist Church.
Led by "Reverend" Fred Phelps, these people have been spreading hateful propaganda all across the nation for years. They aren't even a recognized section of the Baptist faith by the leaders of the sect of Christianity, yet they constantly use the Bible as a weapon to bash anything and everything they deem "unholy".
Let us take a look at some of their work:

• Picketing the funeral of Matthew Shepard, the Wyoming University student who was beaten to a pulp for being a homosexual by two thugs after meeting at a bar. He was tortured, pistol whipped, and left hanging on a fence. They said he deserved it for being a "fag".
  Following the funeral, Phelps attempted and failed to gain city permits in Cheyenne and Casper to build a monument "of marble or granite 5 or 6 feet (1.8 m) in height on which will be a bronze plaque bearing Shepard's picture and the words: "MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."
• They protest outside of Broadway musicals, calling them "havens for homosexuality".
• They picket the funerals of American soldiers killed in action, sporting signs that read "Thank God for IEDs", "Thank God for 9/11", and "Fag Troops".
• Phelps releases videos damning to hell any famous person that speaks out or acts out against Christianity. Most notably, George Carlin and Heath Ledger (for his role in Brokeback Mountain).

I have been waiting five years for a crack at these hatemongers, not only because I consider myself an atheist, but because I think that anyone should be able to live however they choose in America, free of persecution and subjugation.

I understand that this blog (Piece of Shit of the Day) has been an exercise in ridicule, and I do not intend for any true judgements to be made based upon them. I have anger in my words, but not the hatred that is portrayed by these people.

With that said, I want to mention that even people who I am completely against (Sean Hannity) have come out and said that the WBC is nothing more than a group of belligerent jerks who feel the need to self-aggrandize based on their self-righteous assumptions. They take the First Amendment, and its free speech clause to the absolute moral and ethical limits of the law. As much as I hate to say it, they can say and protest whatever they like, because I believe in the Constitution. The best thing that those agianst them can really do is meet their numbers and message with a much stronger counter-argument populace and message, one of love and understanding.

I will leave you all with some ideas of exactly what Phelps says and does, as well as some of the most successful and hilarious counter-pickets that have occured thus far.

Phelps on Carlin:

Phelps on Australia:

Phelps on Jerry Falwell:

Phelps on Stewart/Colbert:


Now for the excellent counter-protests.
Michael Moore:

University of Chicago:


Let's do this the right way. My uncle died as a result of 9/11 (inhaling debris, firefighter). Fuck this guy, his "church", his ideology, his actions, and his ways.

6 am

Well, here we go for my 100th post. Holy fucking shit.
Being that even what few readers I have could not come to a decision, I'll wait until post 101 to bask in my own glory.
I will admit, I racked my brain trying to think of just what to put here. Last night it came to me as if a dream (kind of). I consider myself a pretty heavy sleeper, and being on a first floor apartment I suppose I have to be. At 6 am (with my window closed) I hear this female SHRIEK, "BEE, PLEASE NO, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" right outside of my window. I wake up, believing that someone is being violently raped outside. A smile came across my face because, if you're gonna be screaming like that at the asscrack of dawn, you better be getting beaten or raped.
Of course it was none of the above, as the bitch decided that she was going to have a domestic dispute with her boyfriend at 6 am. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was too wide awake, so I opened my window and kind of enjoyed the show for a moment. Apparently they had been going out for some time and the boyfriend was tired of whatever whiny shit she was saying, so he locked himself in his room. Mind you, it's about 30 degrees outside, so it's extra funny that she's wearing pajamas with bare feet.
After her screaming about how cold she was for 15 minutes at the top of her lungs, I decided on behalf of my whole apartment building to put the girl in her place from my window. My exact words, verbatim: "LOOK BITCH, NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOU, THE FACT THAT YOU'RE COLD, OR THE FACT THAT YOU'RE BOYFRIEND IS BREAKING UP WITH YOU. I GENUINELY HOPE HE BEAT YOU SEVERAL TIMES, IT WOULD MAKE UP FOR HAVING TO HEAR YOUR INANE BULLSHIT AT 6 AM WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE ARE ATTEMPTING TO SLEEP. SO EITHER GO HANG YOURSELF AND DO EVERYONE A FAVOR, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
No response. More screaming from her. End case.
I hope she looked like this:

Eye hate you.

So I was eating at a restaurant today, a Sunday, and it dawned on me the thing that bothers me most about female NFL fans. It's not the fact that they like the sport, or that they generally have little knowledge on the game or its history, nor the fact that they feel it much more necessary to post about how they are watching "the game" as their facebook/twitter statii. Nope, it's that they decide to wear eye black.
I know what you're thinking. "That's such a petty thing not to like!" Look, I don't care if people wear jerseys or anything, but wearing eye black just takes it to a whole different level of asinine. It's not fucking cute, it's ridiculous looking. Are you playing the game? Are you inside while watching the game? Are you actually at the game, but it's too sunny? (Answer to the third question: WEAR SUNGLASSES). You are not football players, and there is no practical use for it, so just save yourself some time and effort and stop trying to bring "cute" into the conversation about football.

You think Marshawn Lynch, the undisputed ugliest player in the league would look cuter with eye black on? Let's take a look.

Nope, still ugly.

Why Wikipedia is not a reliable source.

Tell me what's wrong with this paragraph on the band Piebald.

Like fine wine.

As usual, it's mid-week and I cannot think of a thing to write, so I'm gonna use the geniuses in "The Whitest Kids You Know" to make you laugh. My buddy G made me watch this, and I nearly pissed myself.

Even more in that spirit, I'm gonna show you guys what he's been introducing to of late. Picnicface is seriously unbelievably funny.

Beers are not appletinis.

Packaged Goods

I don't usually consider myself to be too amused by predictable dick jokes coming from even more predicable sources. Today, I feel compelled to tell a story though.
I was walking down the hallway of one of the buildings I frequent, and saw a banner for a fraternity. The banner read: "[Fraternity Name], delivering the biggest packages in college since 1910." I didn't really think it was all that funny at first, but then I realized what the banner was actually saying about their recruiting and bid selection process. Let me set up the scenario for you.

:In an apartment building somewhere, fraternity brothers meet with the prospects the have chosen to possibly enter into their organization:

Frat President: I trust all you gentlemen know why you're here tonight, so I will cut to the chase. We here in [Fraternity Name] have a very specific set of standards that we must hold true to, for we have a name and a slogan to live up to.

Rush Leader: Ok boys, we have set up this long, waist high table for all of you to assemble directly in front of. We have selected each one of you because we believe you have what it takes to be a part of this prestigious organization.

Rushes: (Yelled, in unison) Sir, we are so grateful for this opportunity.

Frat President and Rush Leader: (In unison) Alright boys, whip 'em out and slap 'em down...it's inspecting time.

Beavage Cleavage

When I sit in a meeting with a content specialist, I generally consider them to be a professional. That being said, I also expect the people that are meeting the content specialist alongside me to be at least professional in demeanor.

So on Monday I walk into one of these meetings. It seemed like it was going to be a fruitful experience. Needless to say, of course my content specialist decided to blow off the entire group of people with the same major as myself. One woman, who I have known for a little over six months now, is the kind of person that makes me grind my teeth.

As a thirty-one year old mother of a seven year old child, she feels that she is more advanced and mature than the rest of us. I'm gonna do my damndest here just to elaborate a little bit on why this woman annoys me.

• She feels the need to audibly respond to everything our supervisor says. For instance, the unncessary mmm-hmmm that always comes along with the all-knowing elders of the world. Lady, you aren't that much older than me...shut the fuck up.


• Her laugh makes me want to take my testicles and pierce them to prevent turning whatever woman I chose to be with from becoming the all-knowing cunt mother she is.


• She paints her fingernails in these obnoxious colors in an obvious attempt to be semi-youthful. Needless to say, she fails to the extreme.


• She makes reference to the fact that she is thirty-one whenever she possibly can. We get it lady, you have lived longer than we have.

But now on to my story. Like I said, we were in a meeting with this supervisor that we had to grab because he was there, not because he was our content specialist. This woman comes in wearing this sweater

...except that it had a really loose neck.

Now that you get my drift, let's discuss how this sweater made my day a little more rage-filled. She was wearing this sweater at a circular table. Conveniently, she walked in late...saying that she was having "mommy issues". This woman seems to think that she has some form of a magical power over men. Let me let you in on a secret sweetheart...you don't. She plopped herself right next to the male supervisor who is speaking with us, making sure to lean over and show off her "assets".

Her breasts are difficult to describe, because as a guy I should be like FUCK YES TITS, but I knew they were not supposed to be out there in the first place. I was sitting next to three girls, and they all seemed to be looking at me to say something or at least make a face. I did roll my eyes whenever she spoke at the table, but didn't really need a know-it-all bitch attempting to tell me off. But back to her breasts. They were far enough out that I could catch a solid shot of her bra without even exerting myself. Here's my assessment: Meh.

But I'm not done yet. See, she felt the need to continuously breath by heaving her chest out in an attempt to gain this supervisor's attention. At one point, I'm pretty sure she was jiggling them on purpose...but I can't really be sure. What I can be sure of is that the first thing I did when I got home was wrote down exactly what I wanted to say in order to convey precisely what I felt about that ass-kissing whore of a mother.

Flawless Victory

You know what I want most in life?

Ever since I first laid eyes on a bulldog, they burned a hole in my heart that can only be filled by owning one of them. Look at that face. LOOK AT IT.