Being that even what few readers I have could not come to a decision, I'll wait until post 101 to bask in my own glory.
I will admit, I racked my brain trying to think of just what to put here. Last night it came to me as if a dream (kind of). I consider myself a pretty heavy sleeper, and being on a first floor apartment I suppose I have to be. At 6 am (with my window closed) I hear this female SHRIEK, "BEE, PLEASE NO, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" right outside of my window. I wake up, believing that someone is being violently raped outside. A smile came across my face because, if you're gonna be screaming like that at the asscrack of dawn, you better be getting beaten or raped.
Of course it was none of the above, as the bitch decided that she was going to have a domestic dispute with her boyfriend at 6 am. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was too wide awake, so I opened my window and kind of enjoyed the show for a moment. Apparently they had been going out for some time and the boyfriend was tired of whatever whiny shit she was saying, so he locked himself in his room. Mind you, it's about 30 degrees outside, so it's extra funny that she's wearing pajamas with bare feet.
After her screaming about how cold she was for 15 minutes at the top of her lungs, I decided on behalf of my whole apartment building to put the girl in her place from my window. My exact words, verbatim: "LOOK BITCH, NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOU, THE FACT THAT YOU'RE COLD, OR THE FACT THAT YOU'RE BOYFRIEND IS BREAKING UP WITH YOU. I GENUINELY HOPE HE BEAT YOU SEVERAL TIMES, IT WOULD MAKE UP FOR HAVING TO HEAR YOUR INANE BULLSHIT AT 6 AM WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE ARE ATTEMPTING TO SLEEP. SO EITHER GO HANG YOURSELF AND DO EVERYONE A FAVOR, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
No response. More screaming from her. End case.
I hope she looked like this:
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