Beavage Cleavage

When I sit in a meeting with a content specialist, I generally consider them to be a professional. That being said, I also expect the people that are meeting the content specialist alongside me to be at least professional in demeanor.

So on Monday I walk into one of these meetings. It seemed like it was going to be a fruitful experience. Needless to say, of course my content specialist decided to blow off the entire group of people with the same major as myself. One woman, who I have known for a little over six months now, is the kind of person that makes me grind my teeth.

As a thirty-one year old mother of a seven year old child, she feels that she is more advanced and mature than the rest of us. I'm gonna do my damndest here just to elaborate a little bit on why this woman annoys me.

• She feels the need to audibly respond to everything our supervisor says. For instance, the unncessary mmm-hmmm that always comes along with the all-knowing elders of the world. Lady, you aren't that much older than me...shut the fuck up.


• Her laugh makes me want to take my testicles and pierce them to prevent turning whatever woman I chose to be with from becoming the all-knowing cunt mother she is.


• She paints her fingernails in these obnoxious colors in an obvious attempt to be semi-youthful. Needless to say, she fails to the extreme.


• She makes reference to the fact that she is thirty-one whenever she possibly can. We get it lady, you have lived longer than we have.

But now on to my story. Like I said, we were in a meeting with this supervisor that we had to grab because he was there, not because he was our content specialist. This woman comes in wearing this sweater

...except that it had a really loose neck.

Now that you get my drift, let's discuss how this sweater made my day a little more rage-filled. She was wearing this sweater at a circular table. Conveniently, she walked in late...saying that she was having "mommy issues". This woman seems to think that she has some form of a magical power over men. Let me let you in on a secret sweetheart...you don't. She plopped herself right next to the male supervisor who is speaking with us, making sure to lean over and show off her "assets".

Her breasts are difficult to describe, because as a guy I should be like FUCK YES TITS, but I knew they were not supposed to be out there in the first place. I was sitting next to three girls, and they all seemed to be looking at me to say something or at least make a face. I did roll my eyes whenever she spoke at the table, but didn't really need a know-it-all bitch attempting to tell me off. But back to her breasts. They were far enough out that I could catch a solid shot of her bra without even exerting myself. Here's my assessment: Meh.

But I'm not done yet. See, she felt the need to continuously breath by heaving her chest out in an attempt to gain this supervisor's attention. At one point, I'm pretty sure she was jiggling them on purpose...but I can't really be sure. What I can be sure of is that the first thing I did when I got home was wrote down exactly what I wanted to say in order to convey precisely what I felt about that ass-kissing whore of a mother.