How I Know You're A Dick: Driving Edition

It's been a while guys, and for that I apologize. Lots of things going on in my life at this time, so the blog has been a back burner item. But today I was driving along a major highway...and got to thinking. That there are so many things that people do whilst the are driving that piss me the fuck off. Hence, I return.

Today I was in a situation where I was being tailgated on a two lane highway by a truck with an obvious height advantage over my car. Now, logically, if one was to have that height advantage, they could see OVER the car in front of them, given they were a smaller vehicle. I drive a Hyundai Accent, so I fit this designation. This douchebag tailgated me for over 12 miles, with an open lane to pass me legally on the left in, seeing that I was obviously stuck behind numerous slower moving vehicles. But no, this gentleman chose to flash his high beams on me three or four times. Of course, brake checks followed. He then attempted to pass ONLY me, cut me off, and generally just be a jerkoff. Seeing this, I obviously sped up so that he had no room to do so, he then caught my eye and began to verbally assault me from behind the wheel and a closed window. A real genius. This is where I use my two favorite actions when I see someone trying to yell at me in their car. First, you simply act like they are trying to say hi and smile and wave. This has proven to be a real winner in pissing other people off. He seemed irked by it. But my favorite was when he tried to pass me again, failed, and then came back to yell at me some more. I blew him a kiss and shot him a wink. He was angered, shocked, and I think a little blood rushed to his penis, because he sped off like a banshee. Success.

I have so many stories that involve my antics behind the wheel that I'm only going to tell you one for now, and possibly develop this into a series. But really this is just an intro to my life of what I like to call "road justice".